File Size: 1660 KB
Print Length: 242 pages
Publisher: http://www.digital-book-publishing.com/ (March 15, 2016)
Publication Date: March 15, 2016
The insistence on the six dimension of parenting: to provide a child with “love, guidance, provision, friendship and development” is very positive. In order to require the three C’s “communicate, cooperate and connect” is very positive. The insistence on expressing one’s like to the child and freely giving the child the physical and mental contact they needs for his/her basic development, both physical and mental is an essential truth. To suggest that everyday the day’s work be evaluated in order to identify the “acts of kindness” executed by all the people of the family, at least one per person, is a great idea (probably originating from boy and girl scouts) that is in phase using what the French Catholic pedagogue, Antoine de La Garanderie, suggests in class work: spend three minutes at the end of every class to identify what has been learned and what is not learned, and for each and every student spend ten minutes at the end of everyday to identify what has been learned and what hasn’t and is also thus to be assaulted and learned on these day. This idea of a balance sheet of daily work, of daily activities is probably the on top of that suggestions but to identify the “acts of kindness” must go with discovering the “acts of unkindness” or “the acts of kindness that had not been performed though they can have been. ” Yet here the author reaches the best moment in his book.
Yet you might feel frustrated because the book does not really explain why these suggestions are made, and some open-minded ideas could be very dangerous in a slightly bullying situation like school. “Let your child know that being different is okay. ” “Encourage your child to explore their identity. ” “Accept your children for who hey are. What is intended to be will be [Que sera sera! Not in Italian in the text. ]. An individual should not have a set up agenda for a kids future. ” “Do not let gender limit the sort of activity that your child is interested in. ” This is absolutely right but does the mention of the gender cover gender alignment or only play with cars or play with dolls? Will the book recommend parents are not expected to interfere with the genderization of their children, in other words their becoming gay or directly, or whatever other sexual category orientation the child may assume? It is not clear at all. And the elements given just before all contain some danger when the “difference” of the child is confronted to the actual. The author is conscious of it but does not say that the parents have to support the child in his/her difference and prepare him/her to some difficult occasions in the outside world. The author claims in a rather defensive way: “Some external forces can influence the child’s personality. These include demands from parents as well as peer pressure and media marketing. ” The mention of the outside world is in fact seen more as a nuisance for the patients parents, something that may challenge the parents’ expert or management of the child, or at the very least take on them. The confrontation with the outside world is not really completely grasped.
As you can note I use “parents” in the plural. The book systematically uses “parent” in the singular, often “a parent” with generic value, and a few times “parents” in the plural but always with a generic value, never as the concrete parents of one concrete and non generic child. And also it might be slightly more with the research (several times) to a mono-parental families, and curiously enough to teenage pregnancies and early sexual performance (14-15). The book is unlikely about the real situation in modern families which have two parents. These two parents are widely working, both of them, fulltime. These kinds of two parents can be heterosexual or same sex, men or women. Then the two parents can be the direct parents of the child or one parent of the child and one step father or mother due to the truth that the real father or mother got a divorce from one other real parent and remarried (for example), or because the real father or mother is married to a second parent of the same sex as the real one. These recomposed families are a lot more common than the mono-parental families and this latter case of course implies the single father or mother (who was or was not married at the time of the birth) is working in a way or another. Of which means the author is incorrect when he/she says: “Their parents are the people they spend the most time with. ” Of course not! From age three months onward a child, and in some nations in Europe for example it is the great majority, is raised in crè ches, kindergartens, pre-schools, schools, junior high schools and high schools. Inside modern cities the youngsters might even spend more time with their grandparents than with their parents. This is not taken into account.
The question to be questioned is then what happens in the twelve weeks preceding the entry to the first crè che (or day care middle or baby sitter or whatever, man or female, the gender of the “parent” or “parents” is never considered, and the non-parental personnel taking care of the child is not even alluded to). The child has had the opportunity to listen to from the 24th few days of his mother’s maternity. He was able to hear what was being said and done up to two or possibly three yards around his/her mom: conversations, music, noise and most mothers are still working after the 24th week at least for four or six days, at times more. The newest born has been proved as having registered the sound clusters of common subjective or names uttered by and around the mom (brothers and sisters for example), not to speak of any violence or powerful activity the mother was submitted or submitted herself to. The trauma of birth is not considered: the brutal (and it is brutal for both the mother and the child) shifting from a instead comfortable and continuous well protected world to a discontinuous unprotected and uneasy world of needs, wants and desires which have to be satisfied. The child is not born “lively, curious and nosy” but comes into the world traumatized, cold, without the oxygen, hungry, thirsty, but with the reflex or the instinct of survival that makes him breathe for the first time, cry for the first time and learn within ten minutes that crying brings some response, hence learning communication and learning at once that what he or she had heard for three months inside his mother’s womb is actually arriving from these gigantic, menacing, agitated creatures around him or her who submit him/her to all sorts of tests and other disagreeable activities: pricking for blood, tickling and hitting for reflexes, prodding and probing with fingers all sorts of places on his/her body, stretching him/her out, and so on. All these sensations are absolutely new and hence disturbing. The child understands communication within ten minutes, communication with one of these monsters all around and with the mother who finally will get him and he can recognize her in some kind of “genetic” response. So when the creator says: “Children are given birth to with creative imagination, ” he/she is wrong. The child is born with hardly nothing but one obsessive perspective: to make it through. The child has a brain + a main nervous system + senses + a body which have an architecture that permits any, or many undetermined and unspecified (in the user’s guide) potentials, to maybe come to realization in case it is prompted into existence. Language is the basic element in that construction of the mind and vocabulary starts being designed with the second cry of the child, the first one which the child uses as a call for some need of his/hers, frankly something like within fifteen or thirty minutes after his/her birth. He/she will invest the language(s) he/she will hear around him/her into that basic survival communication situation of the first cry (probably second or third altogether) that becomes meaningful because they are the first call of the re-invigoured.
Instead of pointing out at strong-willed children, it would have been better to realize youngsters are placed on a scale between two poles, on one side a relaxed characteristics that will produce a submissive personality and on the other side a tense nature that will produce any sort of self manly personality. The position of the child depends upon the physiological identity of the child who is given birth to leaning towards a peaceful muscular and nervous characteristics, or towards a tense or stressed muscular and nervous nature. This is the result of the genes, the pregnancy, mom and her life, and so forth On this purely physical orientation the child will develop his personality JUST through the circumstantial, existential, experiential, situational and phenomenological prompting and inciting life will provide him/her with. Nothing is written before birth as for what the genetically determined structure of the body will produce, construct in the “mind” that is the virtual result of this building, the fundamental virtuelle realität of each human individual. The earliest months of the kids life are essential, then the very first years of the child’s life are crucial. By six the child’s personality is fundamentally constructed. It can be developed, enlarged, deepened, but it cannot be transformed in its basic elements. A strong-willed child was produced as such and the probably original tense physiological nature was flipped into a strong-willed personality, just the same as it could have been flipped into an incredibly inquisitive personality that could lead to a great scientific or creative nature. The author is wrong when he/she claims: “Children are born with creative imagination. ” Youngsters are born with an acute reflex to survive and it is this survival drive that makes the child open onto the outside world that he will try to grasp, take, have and with which he or she will also develop communication. Imagination and creativity are the developed potentials of the survival instinct of the extremely underdeveloped and dependent mammal the child is when he is born.
So the long section on love and physical contact would be so much more powerful if it were based on the three dimension parenting id supposed to provide the child with from even before his/her birth but definitely from just after his/her Birth.
1- love, which has absolutely no limitations and includes physical and mental contact: speak to and touch the child;
2- the satisfaction of basic physiological needs (which are not wants but may become such): food, drink, care, security;
3- The physical development that needs to be complete and balanced: eye-sight, hearing, (and other senses) bodily balance and lateralization.
It is based on these three dimensions that the mind, the personality, the chinese language and all the basic balances of the child will be possible. Any lack or want or deficit in these balances will determine disruptions in the development of the child and disturbances in his/her personality and private development. Some might be unrepairable after a certain age group. Some are unluckily greatly common like dyslexia which any simple form of faulty lateralization but this may lead to dyslogia, and other forms such as the impossibility to capture time (atemporality), space (aspatiality) and numbers (innumeracy). Then it is possible to understand what needs to be done from the very first day of life and even before: work on the lateralization of children either visual or oral or auditory. One very good activity can be the initiation of a child to rhythm by banging on a box with a stay. A child can learn very fast a regular rhythm with left or right hands, or with both coordinated, and with variations in the rhythm that make it irregular in a way though regular in its anomaly (long and short beats). Then polyrhythm is possible. Of which can be started even before the child is able to walk. A soon as he can walk you can train him or her to rhythmic “dancing” on both legs of course. Then when a child is educated like that in balanced lateralization he or she should and at least could develop some real taste for physical activity, for physical effort and that will also make it possible for the child to develop a well-balanced life style. If the child is on the submissive side he will need some incitation and encouragement, and this might come from peers as soon as he or she is socialized (three weeks generally in most countries in Europe) and a lot to develop in these organizations along this line of understanding. If the child is on the tense side he can be overactive and he will have to be provided with a lot of activity. If he is he won’t develop as a strong-willed child but as a voluntary overactive person.
Both in case the use or overuse of undifferentiated tv set is a catastrophe since it will turn the “submissive” child into a sofa adornment and the “overactive” child into a rebellious bomb. Yet we must keep in mind those two extremes are rare and many steps and stages in-between. Any child is sharing a certain level of submissiveness and a certain level of over-activity, and the two might concentrate on different topics, activities, interests: rather obedient, compliant, acquiescent, subservient, docile, meek, dutiful, tractable about plating with animals, rather overactive about putting solid objects, or really whatever you may think of.
Remember the essential dimension you have to encourage and develop is all-media communication with honestly expressed love and immediate physical and mental contact. If you have this in brain you can deal with any child, but you have to get started on dealing with him/her at least 12 weeks before his birth and certainly without the hold off after his birth..
Doctor Jacques COULARDEAU
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